ABsolutely Fabulous

I am way, way too tired to write a coherent blog post about my experience seeing New Moon last night. Suffice to say, a very good time was had by all, it was a very late night, and the sight of Jacob's rockin' bod will be rockin' my dreams for a very, very long time to come.

So, in the spirit of the upcoming holiday, here is my list of things that have happened in the last 12 hours that I am thankful for:

… my husband, who thought the whole idea of me going to see a midnight movie was hysterical and whose only request was that I make him brownies before I left

… J and J who happily picked me up

… Bahama Breeze, whose absolutely fantastic Chocolate Island dessert gave me the sugar rush needed to get through a very long night

… getting into our actual theater an hour early so we didn’t have to wait in a stifling hallway with hundreds of hormonal teenage girls and pre-menopausal women

… MM, whose cell phone picture got us through a momentary lull in conversation

… coffee, popcorn, and Junior Mints

… the lengthiest previews ever, which made us really appreciate when the movie finally started (at 12:40)

… the fact that the movie theater was trying to be environmentally friendly by drastically reducing any air flow or air conditioning during the length of the movie

… the lack of squealing when the movie actually started

… the absolutely dreadful acting on the part of Kristen Stewart, who apparently cannot force a tear and whose entire acting method is based on either blinking steadily or breathing heavily. She did occasionally look like she was passing a gallstone, so I should at least add that to her acting repertoire.

… Robert Pattinson’s hair, which was by far the most interesting thing about him in this movie

… Taylor Lautner’s abs

… the scene when Jacob first takes his shirt off

…the suspension of disbelief necessary to help me forget Jacob is only 17

… the scene where Jacob stands in the rain, half-naked, and shows off his extensive shoulders

… the CGI, which allowed the werewolves to look like real creatures by saving money on the sparkle effect (I could do better with Vaseline and glitter)

… the term “blue balls” which perfectly describes Jacob’s state of being for the entire movie

…the scenes in Italy, which allowed Edward to be shirtless and prove, once and for all, that Jacob’s six-pack is the true body to die for

… the women in the rows behind me, who could not stop themselves from moaning in pleasure whenever Jacob took his shirt off and who actually seemed disappointed when Bella chose Edward

… the rain, which woke me up quite nicely after the boiling hot theater

… the flat tire, which really made the night blog-worthy

… healthy self-esteem, which allowed me not to mind when people ignored my trying to wave down help while standing in the pouring rain wearing a Team Werewolf shirt so tight you couldn’t even see the W or the F

…the Cherry Hill police, who told me to call a tow truck (duh) and the AMC security who told me to call a cab (double duh)

… the woman who heard me beg for help and actually told her boyfriend to drive around the parking lots until they found me to offer assistance

… Evan Almighty, the best, most wonderful Good Samaritan ever, who gave us a lesson in how to fix a flat tire all while getting soaking wet in the middle of the night and was completely cheerful the entire time

… puppy pads, which soaked up most of the water in my jeans and saved my ruining J’s car

… my Fossil watch, which is miraculously still running after being immersed in water

… not getting pulled over on the way home since two out of the three women in the car were no longer wearing shirts

… the warm welcome from my daughter when I finally came home at 4am

… my husband turning on the heated blanket when I finally crawled into bed and who even cuddled up to the soaking, frozen mess that was his wife

… the two hours of sleep I did manage to achieve

… my hair still being wet when I woke up, saving me from taking a shower

… finding pair of dry sneakers on my way out the door

… the brownies my husband saved for me, thus giving me the energy to get to Mommy & Me

… a great night spent with friends, a good story, and the 38 minutes of screen time devoted to Jacob’s almost naked body